“If I Must Die …

  “If I must die,

   You must live

   To tell my story

   To sell my things

   To buy a piece of cloth

   And some strings,

   (Make it white with a long tail)

   So that a child, somewhere in Gaza

   While looking heaven in the eye

   Awaiting his dad who left in a blaze —

   And bid no one farewell

   Not even to his flesh

   Not even to himself —

   Sees the kite, my kite you made, flying up above

   And thinks for a moment an angel is there

   Bringing back love

   If I must die

   Let it bring hope

   Let it be a tale.”

           Poem by Refaat Alareer

Those of us who live in relative peace, far from the wars in the world, do not understand why anyone must die. Hundreds of thousands of people dead; children starving; homes, hospitals and schools turned to rubble. Why? So a few old men can cling to power and stay out of jail? That’s the reason?

Is it possible that Marwan Barghouti, a Palestinian leader who has been in prison for the last 20 years, could be tapped, along with a moderate Israeli leader to set up a secular state which accommodates all citizens? That Russia and the Ukraine could agree to a permanent solution? That civil war in the Sudan and in Myanmar could be quelled? That Syria becomes a moderate country and begins to rebuild. That Sima Samar, an Afghani activist, could return to the work of building a more humane state in her country with rights for women? Most of us can only watch from the distance modern media allows us.

In 2013, when we were still providing beds, meals and conversation to students studying English at the language school associated with Dominican University, I made dinner for Juan Carlos, from Colombia, and his friend Roha, from Saudi Arabia, who had come to help him pack up his things.

This unlikely friendship had been going on for quite a while. Juan Carlos had lived with us for the past year and I knew his story well. He did not get along with his father, who had a business in Medellin. His mother contrived to make sure he studied outside the country, keeping him away for years. Juan Carlos was good at corralling women into helping him! He did not have a car, but Roha, the daughter of a Saudi diplomat, had a big, dark Range Rover. We would often find her outside our house, waiting for Juan Carlos.

Roha generally did not come into the house, but on the night of our dinner, the three of us had a merry meal (Don was in Los Angeles at the time). Roha did not take off her headscarf. She was dressed in ample clothing to hide her chubby figure. What she and Juan Carlos found hilarious was that I had allowed into my home a Colombian “drug lord” and a Saudi “terrorist”! These were the stock representations of people from their countries, when in actual fact, we all knew they were both well-off 20-something’s, a bit spoiled, enjoying the relative freedom of being students in the United States.

I watched many of these unlikely relationships over the years. Juan Carlos explored heavy drinking with a group of young Japanese men, who lived nearby. He was also great friends with two Saudi men, one of whom, Mohammed, was quite religious and had a pet lion at home. Small blonde Camila, from Brazil, also was great friends with some of the Saudi men. Once, toward the end of her stay, she piled into cars with a bunch of friends and they all drove off to Las Vegas in what she thought of as the trip of her life. 

In On Human Nature [published 1978], Edward O. Wilson acknowledges that we are an aggressive species, given certain circumstances. Our use of language and understanding of each other must be a counter to offset these violent tendencies. “To provide a more durable foundation for peace, political and cultural ties can be promoted that create a confusion of cross-binding loyalties,” he says. “Scientists, great writers, some of the more successful businessmen, and Marxist-Leninists have been doing just that more or less unconsciously for generations.”

George Mitchell, who spent five years brokering the Good Friday Agreements which ended the seemingly intractable Northern Ireland disputes (and have held for over 25 years), says here that “For the first time in the 300,000 years of the history of human beings on earth, human beings possess the capacity to destroy life on earth … This serves as a restraining force on the extensive use of violence, and as hopeless as it now seems, solutions in the Middle East are possible where people can live side by side, not out of affection for each other, but out of fear of each other.”

From my perch at the edge of the Pacific Ocean, all I have to do is open my virtual newspapers to view the conflicts happening everywhere. Every one of the seven types of aggression E.O. Wilson enumerates are in evidence, including territorial defense, the assertion of dominance in groups, sexual aggression and moralistic aggression used to enforce the rules of society. Los Angeles is the world, as anyone who lives here knows.

But I was born at the end of World War II and grew up in a time of relative peace, held together partly by the threat of mutual annihilation. I believe we are once again in a dark time, but there is really nowhere to go but up. Let’s get going on those cross-binding relationships, such as those our innocent students fostered.